Healing emotional wounds is a challenging journey. Whether it’s the grief of a loss or heartbreak, the overwhelm of burnout, confronting some deep core wounding or any kind of stress or trauma, the road to recovery isn’t always straightforward. Facing up to emotional pain is incredibly brave, even when ultimately we have no choice. It can also feel terribly unfair when other people seem to make it look so easy. But we can never see what’s going on inside someone else. We can never know what darkness they may have faced to come out the other side. 

Emotional scar tissue might be invisible, but that doesn’t make it any less real. Let’s break down some of the myths and ideas that surround the path to healing, and celebrate the sometimes screaming, exhausting, infinitely rewarding mess that is the reality of it. 

1. Healing “just takes time” 

While time is definitely necessary when it comes to healing anything, alas, it’s not that simple! We can’t always just sit and wait and expect our issues to sort themselves out. The process of healing requires a lot of patience, courage, self-enquiry, and a multitude of methods to soothe the system along the way. 

2. You “just have to think positive thoughts”

No amount of positive thoughts can save us from feeling the pain that needs to be felt at some point or another. Thinking otherwise can leave us feeling more ashamed when difficult emotions do come up – the anger, the fear, the shame, and the whole glorious mix! Rather, it is better to feel them, understand them, and trust that they will dissipate, the more friendly we get with them. Aim for optimism about the overall process, rather than forced positivity. 

3. That “the path to healing is all light and love”

On the contrary, healing is about climbing into the darkest, scariest places within us and confronting the monsters that are lurking there. This is what is meant by shadow work. It’s like cleaning out an actual wound before sewing it up – it may really sting at first, but doing so will help prevent infection in the long run. And just as a wound needs to be wrapped up safely to start mending, so do we. 

4. “Going to therapy will solve all of my problems”

Talk therapy is an invaluable part of the healing process, but it’s never going to protect us from all of life’s challenges. It will, however, make them far more manageable. Seeing a therapist to process the things that have happened to us, unravel our feelings, and validate the pain - plus learn how to manage it when similar issues rear their ugly head - is a big part of the journey for those who need it. But self-integration is where resilience is developed.

5. “It’s easier when you have loads of money”

Expensive retreats and fancy wellness programmes are all well and good, but can any amount of money make the internal process of feeling and healing any easier?! The right professional support can definitely help keep us on track, but simply throwing money at the issue in lieu of doing the work will not. 

6. “Travel is the answer”

Many of us often think, “If a nice long trip with some pasta and a bit of yoga is good enough for Julia Roberts in Eat, Pray, Love…” A vacation sure can help shift some energy, and self-care and relaxation are crucial to healing. But travel can also be a distraction that creates a false sense of forward motion. If traveling is a mechanism you use as part of your healing, it is important to ponder this question: Are you running towards yourself, or away? It’s all about intention and attention.

7. “You just have to keep pushing through it”

Sometimes, it’s wiser to leave the motivational mindset at the door, because healing isn’t something to be forced. The process might be as bruising as a battle, but progress is made in the surrender. We have to rest up, let go, and accept what comes. That’s the bravest thing of all. 

8. “Intellectualizing the pain will make it easier”

Reading the books, doing the courses, seeing the patterns, examining the angles, explaining what, why, how and when… doing all of this is indeed a great way to help us understand and come to terms with our emotional wounds. But is it also a sneaky way for us to bypass actually dealing with them?

9. “I’ll know exactly when I’m healed”

If only healing was a linear journey with a start and a finish line… but the reality is more ‘two steps forward, one step back’. It’s unlikely that we’ll know when the journey has ended (if it ever truly does), but when we are “healed” to an extent, we will, at least, gain an overall awareness that there have been more and more good days lately. 

10. “Once I’m healed, I’ll never be sad again”

We wish! Healing emotional wounds doesn’t protect us from future pain — but it does mean we can face whatever comes with more resilience, compassion, and self-trust. Anyone facing up to the shadows and befriending what’s there is inviting in more love, joy, and life in the long-run. If you’re healing, know this: We know it’s hard. We see you. We got this. 

All of the content on our website is thoroughly researched to ensure that the information shared is evidence-based. For more information, please visit the academic journals that influenced this article:The Impact Of Psychological Stress On Wound Healing: Methods And Mechanisms; How The Brain Heals Emotional Wounds: The Functional Neuroanatomy Of Forgiveness; Is There An Evidence-Based Number Of Sessions In Outpatient Psychotherapy? – A Comparison Of Naturalistic Conditions Across Countries; Change Processes Underlying "Good Outcome": A Qualitative Study On Recovered And Improved Patients' Experiences In Psychotherapy For Major Depression; A Study Of Recovery In Trauma Patients.