If there’s one thing that’s certain in life, it’s that breaking up is hard to do. Even the most amicable, well-intentioned break-ups can be incredibly painful, and recovery from heartache always takes time. But the loss of a significant other can open space for the most significant person in your life: you. A break-up can be an opportunity for reclamation – of your time, of your energy, of who you are as an individual. This personal growth is what healing is ultimately about. So much of a break-up can feel out of your control, and no amount of social media stalking will get you the communication, closure, or contrition you might crave. But there are some things you can control – your own journey to recovery and healing. Here are some tips to help you do just that.

1. Enforce some space

Whatever noble intentions you may have to remain friends or support each other, give yourself a break from your ex’s presence at first. This is an adjustment that will take time. Hide their socials, refrain from contact, and create space for yourself rather than giving over your energy to the ghost of a relationship. Even if you can be friends down the line, you will still need a period of time before that is truly possible, during which you can regain some healthy space and perspective.  

2. Connect to your inner child

When we are feeling hurt and scared, our inner child often bears the brunt of it. Give yours lots of love and nurture, and indulge in their favorite things – listen to music you loved when you were younger, or watch your favorite feel-good childhood movie. Move your body in joyful ways, play games, and do anything else that gets you in touch with a lighter, more carefree side to life.

3. Cook all your favorite meals

One of the best things about being single is not having to make compromises on food! There are no more arguments over who fancies what, or missing out on your favorite dishes because someone else doesn’t like them. Take some time to prepare the soul-nourishing meals that bring you the most pleasure and comfort, or treat yourself to the takeout that you’ve been craving.  

4. Book a trip with friends

Whether it’s one night away or a week relaxing in the sun, book yourself some holiday time, surround yourself with friends, and go recharge your batteries. Taking a vacation with friends is more than just a distraction, it will remind you how much you are still loved. Friends can bring out the essence of who you are and will always be, regardless of who comes in and out of your life. Taking a little time-out for a break has been shown to help reduce stress and anxiety, and even be good for your heart’s physical health. It’s a way to help yourself be more present, and in doing so, reconnect with yourself and your soul. 

5. Immerse yourself in nature

Nature is the ultimate healer, so get out into the wilderness as much as you can, or hit the beach and get the sun on your face. Find a weekly hiking buddy, go out for a swim or a surf, or discover a nice route for a daily solo amble. Notice how change is the only constant. Let it remind you that just as the death of the autumn leaves make way for new growth in the spring, and just as the tides ebb and flow, you, too, will once again blossom with time. 

6. Renew your brand

Play around with the next evolution of your identity! Try some new styles, a new hairdo, a different perfume, or anything else that brings a sense of freshness to your energy. Think about anything you may have embraced mainly because your ex was attached to it, and switch it up – or don’t. This is about you unfiltering your unique self-expression, and helping to remove the triggers that may hold you back from letting new energy flow into your life.

7. Throw your energy into something 

Get busy with a project at work, or immerse yourself in a new hobby. Build new habits around these, and spend time with people that have the same interest and commitment. It could be starting a book club or enrolling in an online course, joining a sports team or developing a side-hustle. You’ve been gifted more time to follow your passions, so explore some possibilities!

8. Make a break-up playlist

Build a soundtrack to this moment in your life where you are rediscovering who you are. Fill it with empowering, high-energy songs about the joys of riding solo, and use it to motivate your forward motion. Whether that’s running, walking, or shaking it off in the moment, or propelling you into your new life – one where you get to decide exactly what’s going to happen next.

And when you find yourself ready to start reflecting on the past relationship to get ready for dating again, join mindset coach Adil Hussain's Modern Dating Short Online Course. 

All of the content on our website is thoroughly researched to ensure that the information shared is evidence-based. For more information, please visit the academic journals that influenced this article: Making Sense And Moving On: The Potential For Individual And Interpersonal Growth Following Emerging Adult Breakups; Who Am I Without You? The Influence Of Romantic Breakup On The Self-Concept; Who Am I Without You? The Influence Of Romantic Breakup On The Self-Concept; Making Sense And Moving On: The Potential For Individual And Interpersonal Growth Following Emerging Adult Breakups